A Healing Vision continues to heal

I have been thinking about my older brother of late and the role he has played in my life. I grew up between two brothers with 3.5 years between us all. The closeness in age and family dynamics added to the sense of unity and loving support. I have been blessed with this tight knit family (and extended family) to begin my life. I had this wonderful sense of security of love that a family provides. On page 119 of Sharing: Self Discover in relationships, by Kathy Oddenino, I came across these two quotes:

“Know that you have chosen to live this life together, to learn and grow together, and that the lesson, the ultimate lesson of creation is unconditional love.”

and

“Your immediate family is there to be your safety net, because on a soul and spirit basis you have been around with them thousands and thousands of times before.”

This sense of familiarity and safety was indeed felt by me.

My immediate family is all physically gone and I continue to learn and expand my internal sense of comfort with their passing from my present life. I am remembering the strength and courage displayed by my mother as we discussed my older brother’s absence. Was he alive or was he dead? This was always the question. He had sailed off in his boat many years before and we had not been able to trace him. After 9 years of silence, of not being able to find him, together we agreed to do a legal death on him. I remember the day vividly.

Mum had not been feeling well and we had been going over her Will. I had asked her if she would consider changing the way she had written it, because as it stood, I would not be able to bring her estate to closure until my brother was located. I left it up to her on how she wanted to do it. Nothing was really going smoothly. I recall how angry I had felt. Everything felt stuck.

I went to the beach and on the way I had a vivid image/vision of 3 pieces of wood fixed firmly in a triangle, so that the entire piece moved as one. I was so angry at my brother that I mentally brushed it aside. I walked along the beach and gave full reign to my anger. I was angry at my brother’s silence…of his not communicating with the family. There was no ranker or dissension. So, to my mind, there was no reason to just ‘disappear’ from the family. I had walked…well, more like stormed along about a 100 meters when I I had the thought that on a soul and spirit level, the family offers unconditional love. This thought stopped me in mid step and so I asked what his gift to me was. I was startled and overcome with the overwhelming rush of softening response within me. Immediately I saw how he has helped me in learning another view of unconditional love by realizing I had no control over his soul’s agenda…anymore than he had over my life and how I wished to live it. I saw in that split second how I was reflecting my sense of rejection and abandonment of my internal dual soul and spirit externally. My brother had become my lighten rod for my own internal discomfort. I also saw that with him being away from the family, Mum and I became a lot closer and it opened up an avenue for metaphysical discussions that may not have otherwise been available. In his removal from the family unit, my sense of competition and jealousy (unconscious) was put aside enough for me to see that my mother loved all of us equally.

There were so many levels of love and images that I write only a few here. Suffice to say, it was a powerful moment for me, and continued to be.

On my return from the beach I felt an expanding softening within me and warmth around my heart and once again the image appeared in vivid form. It was the same 3 pieces of wood, with the difference being that instead of being a fixed structure, they were joined by string. Showing me that the three of us were eternally connected and free to move independently of each other. When I got back to the house, I could feel the large ‘space’ open between the three of us. My releasing of the anger and resentment towards him (towards myself), had freed us all. The solicitor was called and a date and time fixed to makes changes to mother’s Will. The details flowed and changes were made without fuss and bother. I felt a tremendous surge of compassion for all of us in this shared experience.

In my mother, I saw and felt her incredible inner strength and courage as she signed the document declaring her eldest son dead. She had lived the death of two sons and a husband. She lived the power of love. “Releasing judgement creates the positive energy of love that will heal your mind and body”. Page 119, Sharing: Self Discovery in relationships. By Kathy Oddenino. What a gift this knowledge is to me!