gift of love

I have been challenged with the deaths of my physical family unit to find solace and comfort within myself and expand myself to understand what it all means. I feel the biggest gift has been to know that I can still communicate with my mother! What a difference this made to me! A month after her transition… I was heart-sore, reading in bed, when I felt her vibration, then a scent of roses, and I saw an oval shape of energy above me and I knew unequivocally that it was my mother. I felt an intense love come over me (just writing this I can recall the experience and feel it again). It felt like a large volume of information was transferred between us. The next morning on awakening I was so very conscious of the absence of pain in my physical heart. I knew unequivocally that I could communicate with my mother and that there was no separation! This is because we are energy and energy never dies. I have taken much solace from this experience and have drawn on it many times. This is all part of my lesson in opening to the truth of who I am as energy and therefore a part of all that is. To not continue to expand on this experience is to basically deny my spirit and the love of all…to deny love.

I recognize and embrace the energy of love. My responsibility is to expand on it. I feel that the information “download” I received from the energy of my mother is within the emotion of love. I do not have conscious memory of what the information details were exactly, what I do know is the feeling of intense love and in this energy I will “retrieve” or know the contents. Perhaps I am trying to make it into something too small, like physical details, and it is too large and free to be contained and defined in such a way because it is energy. I have to live with love every second and to be conscious of being energy. As I experienced the healing of my heart ache through the energy communication of love from my mother, this is the pattern of healing that I use in helping self and others. It is energy and it vibrates and all senses are utilized. It is this energy as spirit consciousness that I continually try to balance…or rather I am energy continually striving for balance. This is the movement that comes from using my mind in a unified manner with the energy of love that creates dynamic and expansive energy! Energy is real!

a stream of consciousness

A walk through the garden and my mind….
I have been out and about walking and puttering around in my garden. My mind has wandered and has been a wonderful companion. Here is a stream of consciousness that I will share with you.

We practice self-alienation through our negative thinking based on our fear belief structure. We then reflect this distorted energy externally and interpret it as judgment, rejection and abandonment by whatever or whomever our fertile ego mind can drum up to blame. When our lack of thinking is the norm and we are really just living from a reactive energy. This energy field is familiar, and what is familiar and known to us is fear. Fear = separation/self alienation and this fosters a very negative and chaotic mind and energy field. This very same energy feeds in on itself and the alienation from our truth and love intensifies; the more “lost” we feel and the more controlling of self and others we become. This is living in chaos and separated from divine energy. It is practicing self destruction and abuse.

While in my garden I was examining the flowers and I recognized myself in them. I mean that all of life follows a pattern…the same pattern of birth-life-death-birth-life etc. To judge myself for something done or said is to deny who I am as a soul and spirit. It is this judgement that is the self-alienating process and it becomes stultifying to growth and change. I see my plants coming up and I am excited at each new change that happens – that I get to observe. The formation of a bud is beautiful yet it “loses” it beauty to change and growth as it becomes a full bloom. The full flower that offers my senses such delight only lives because the bud continued to change and grow and the change continues its full and perennial cycle.

My garden continues to teach me and like the fluid organic nature of the plants, no part is separate. Life is about growth and change. The plant grows flowers by letting go of the bud. The flower becomes is own expression and expansion of the young bud. For me to focus only upon the bud of a rose, for example, I totally miss the entire beauty of the life cycle. This could be analogous to trying to hold onto youth and judging age as something abhorrent and to be avoided at all cost. Perhaps this is the fear of death? It is the fear of change. It does not really matter because it is still fear, control, negative energy and denial of spirit. This is refusing to change and grow and experience life in full. The more I am willing to live the spiritual patterns of the ethical values, the more comfort I find within me and the more exciting life becomes. This is our perennial movement as our cycle of Being.

memories as colours

I woke up thinking about memories and how they define life. I “saw” colours as the energy of my life, and not just from this lifetime but all lifetimes. It was not unlike a kaleidoscope where the colours are already set and each small turn changes the pattern and colour combination and presents an entirely new picture of the energy of me. This is what each lifetime does. A fractal of each lifetime is to take each experience in this present lifetime as a miniscule turn of the kaleidoscope’s tube as symbolic of a lesson learned. With each lesson learned I move myself forward and the pattern of colours change as my energy expands with learning. This was so clear to me this morning and when I sit here to put physical words to translate energy, the words feel clumsy and confining in a way. But it is in the writing down that keeps me grounded by making my thoughts physical so really I am taking the energy of memory and making it physical by writing. It is my perception that makes the point of reference for my energy and my perception is infused with experiences of lessons learned….therefore it is my relationship to my memories that I come to my understanding of life ….meaning that my understanding is through my senses and then I can have a relationship with my memories.

What I am saying here is that my memories define me….(define all of us… and therein lies our individuality). I am the sum of my memories as energy. It is all the experiences I have had throughout “lifetimes” that offer me a tremendous depth of knowledge (memory) and I think of this as having all the wisdom of the universe available to me.

All I have to do is know who I am (as energy and matter) and to do this I have to live personal responsibility to examine self, my creations (experiences) and clear out/away all negative thinking so I can “know thyself” and open my mind to all memories to live the behaviour of all the ethical values. This is the value of studying Spiritual Philosophy (www.Kathyoddenino.com) in learning that I am eternal as energy and as I open my mind I feel the balancing effect of the loving emotions coming into play and memories begin to come in and relationships are made. It is the most comforting learning I have ever experienced. When I say “all I have to do is know who I am…” it sounds a bit glib but it is the most exciting mind traveling I have ever done and it is evolution because the change occurs in how I am thinking. This changes everything!

I create memories by physical experiences and I stimulate them through my senses. I have gone back through this life and looked at various experiences I created and have asked myself why. In asking “why” my mind opens and in my growing understanding of who I am my perceptions have changed. What was once a drama is now valued for what I learned from it. This is how the analogy of the kaleidoscope works for me. I have learned and therefore changed my perception through understanding. This shift in thinking changes my internal and external energy field. It is the movement of my mind that changes my energy. This is the changing colours of the kaleidoscope of the energy of my mind.